i tell you what, let me tell you something

a collection of unfortunately amusing thoughts from my father

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My dad, the philosopher

Dad called and asked if I had seen his text. I hadn’t. I pull out my phone and he insists that I read it aloud. RD and Addie were with me at the moment. I proceed to read….

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Retail version of human life cycle 

Writer: Bernard bavarian

Age 13-19

You are placed at the entrance of the grocery store as a new product. Everybody sees and admire you and appreciate the newness

Age 20-29

You are moved and placed on the first row of the isle.  you are still at the eye level  and interested parties admire the product and buy you

Age 30-39

You are moved to the second shelf. U are not the first the interested parties look at but u are still in the eye level with a little struggle 

Age 40-49

U are moved to the third isle. At this point you are not at the eye level any longer and usually discounted a bit and lower income customers look to buy you 

Age 50-59

You moved to the 4th row with sign old price versus discounted price  only limited number of customers look there out of necessity.

Age 60-69

Your are moved into the bin in the middle isle  heavily discounted. Customers roam through and pick up and throw down and fewer customers will buy you

Age 70-79

You are getting close to expiration date. The store sells u at discount to Dollar stores. 

Age 80-89

U are donated to the food kitchens if they accept you or need you 

Age 90-…..

U are bundled up and sent overseas at 5% of the cost 

In order to be happy in life don’t try to jump out of the bin and back into the upper shelves 

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You should have asked this stuff before we all came down with dimensia
On being asked to recall a favorite memory about his brother.

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stay classy

Dad:
Barb and I took the train from Carrollton to downtown to eat. We are heading back.
Me:
Fun. Where did you go?
Dad:
Hooters. Hahahah. I had not been there since 2005
Me:
Are you kidding? How classy dad. Ha.
Dad:
We were not dressed for anything else.
Me:
You're never dressed for anything else.
Dad:
I dress according to Home Depot requirements.