i tell you what, let me tell you something

My dad, the philosopher

Wed, 13 Mar 2013 19:01:42 -0500

Dad called and asked if I had seen his text. I hadn’t. I pull out my phone and he insists that I read it aloud. RD and Addie were with me at the moment. I proceed to read….

——————————

Retail version of human life cycle

Writer: Bernard bavarian

Age 13-19

You are placed at the entrance of the grocery store as a new product. Everybody sees and admire you and appreciate the newness

Age 20-29

You are moved and placed on the first row of the isle. you are still at the eye level and interested parties admire the product and buy you

Age 30-39

You are moved to the second shelf. U are not the first the interested parties look at but u are still in the eye level with a little struggle

Age 40-49

U are moved to the third isle. At this point you are not at the eye level any longer and usually discounted a bit and lower income customers look to buy you

Age 50-59

You moved to the 4th row with sign old price versus discounted price only limited number of customers look there out of necessity.

Age 60-69

Your are moved into the bin in the middle isle heavily discounted. Customers roam through and pick up and throw down and fewer customers will buy you

Age 70-79

You are getting close to expiration date. The store sells u at discount to Dollar stores.

Age 80-89

U are donated to the food kitchens if they accept you or need you

Age 90-…..

U are bundled up and sent overseas at 5% of the cost

In order to be happy in life don’t try to jump out of the bin and back into the upper shelves

On Being Unemployed, No Longer

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 22:31:39 -0600

Dad: I was starting to worry I was going to have to send you the expired canned food from the house

After His Eye Surgery

Sun, 03 Feb 2013 00:00:00 -0600

Dad: I wish I had an "opti-grab" for these glasses

RD and I have just landed in Austin for Thanksgiving

Tue, 27 Nov 2012 00:00:00 -0600

Me: Just landed
Dad: Pick up some chinese for everybody to eat
Me: I was thinking more like Taco Bell
Dad: You are not too off. We made tacos. I am already falling asleep.

After Obama Won His 2nd Term

Wed, 07 Nov 2012 00:00:00 -0600

Me: So are you pleased with the outcome of last night?
Dad: Of course. But around this town I am supposed to pretend that I am unhappy.

After I received a pic of dad in his oil field getup

Wed, 24 Oct 2012 00:00:00 -0500

Me: You are so blue collar
Dad: Tell RD dad has been lying to us and he really is a day laborer in the oil field at $12/hr
Me: I wouldnt doubt it. It would explain a lot.
Dad: Hahaha. Seriously. Tell him.

nechamaelle: davidkendall: myvintagevogue: Happy...

Wed, 21 Dec 2011 12:19:10 -0600

nechamaelle:

davidkendall:

myvintagevogue:

Happy Hanukkah

Rachel Posner took this photo from inside the family home on Hanukkah 1932 via http://www1.yadvashem.org

Wow. Powerful imagery.

And it still gets reblogged today.

On cruising.

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 13:40:01 -0600

Dad just said that I should take a cruise.

I said I want to go on an Alaskan cruise.

He said “you want to look at ice? Open the freezer!”

"You should have asked this stuff before we all came down with dimensia"

Mon, 21 Nov 2011 16:37:59 -0600

“You should have asked this stuff before we all came down with dimensia”

- On being asked to recall a favorite memory about his brother.

stay classy

Wed, 08 Jun 2011 13:15:00 -0500

Dad: Barb and I took the train from Carrollton to downtown to eat. We are heading back.
Me: Fun. Where did you go?
Dad: Hooters. Hahahah. I had not been there since 2005
Me: Are you kidding? How classy dad. Ha.
Dad: We were not dressed for anything else.
Me: You're never dressed for anything else.
Dad: I dress according to Home Depot requirements.

the rental house

Tue, 26 Apr 2011 18:57:40 -0500

Dad: The house is almost rent-able. But first I have to evict the squirrels.

the LAST mortgage payment for Bellflower house

Tue, 15 Feb 2011 11:20:21 -0600

Dad to the woman at the mortgage company: “What’s the penalty for bounced checks?”

A text.

Mon, 07 Feb 2011 13:17:09 -0600

Dad: When you were in second grade u came home singing “oh my darlin, oh my darlin, oh my darlin clementine” do u remember where u got that song from?

(i have no idea and I still haven’t gotten answer from him)

Hell must have frozen over

Tue, 07 Dec 2010 18:48:11 -0600

Cy: You're going to hate me....I did something I told myself I would never do....
Me: (I'm thinking he's been arrested or gotten a girl pregnant but I respond with...) You bought an apple product?
Cy: I feel so ashamed!

In response to Barbara ironing his shirt.

Thu, 25 Nov 2010 17:53:12 -0600

Dad: Are you being a domestic housewife?
Barb: No, I'm trying to keep you from embarrassing yourself.

"And here’s a picture of Ari. (said picture is of the Thanksgiving turkey)"

Thu, 25 Nov 2010 17:52:00 -0600

“

And here’s a picture of Ari.

(said picture is of the Thanksgiving turkey)

”

- dad

Conversation With My Uncle...

Wed, 24 Nov 2010 15:20:12 -0600

HIM: How do you look for anyone on face book if u want to see if they are on face book

ME: You just log in and search for their name at the top of the page

HIM: I don’t see a search

…. this may be hopeless…

the man gets that much more confusing....

Sat, 23 Oct 2010 18:51:35 -0500

Dad: What is this MP3?
Me: (shaking my head...deep breath) MP3 are audio files...like the ones people listen to on iPod's.
Dad: Yeah, what is an iPod?
Me: Really? Where have you been the last 10 years?

"you should try to scalp those tickets"

Thu, 30 Sep 2010 03:58:00 -0500

“you should try to scalp those tickets”

- Dad: on me flying business class to London

Dad: I bought an $80 toothbrush from Aldi and they have this safe for $50 and i'm seriously considering buying it.

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 10:06:57 -0500

Dad: I bought an $80 toothbrush from Aldi and they have this safe for $50 and i'm seriously considering buying it.

Me: What do you need a safe for?

Dad: To put my $80 toothbrush in.